I have been struggling with this being intentional philosophy. Being intentional means you actively interact and engage with your life. You live a life that is meaningful and fulfilling to you. That shit is hard to do.

Most days I spend my “spare” time getting ready for the next day. If I do have a few minutes to take a moment it is literally only a moment. Like five minutes. Because someone or something will interrupt me.

The dog will bark.
A kid will need a towel after showering.
My husband will ask me something.
The phone will ring.
The dog will bark louder.

Each one will break my concentration so much that I often give up and go to bed.

It’s amazing I’ve been able to get this far into this blog post…

But half of the family is still commuting home.

The past few weeks have been especially hard. I so eager to put all my ideas into action after listening to Get Your Shit Together, You Are Badass at Making Money, You Area a Badass and so many more. But I’m so tired.

I’ve had three minor panic attacks in the last couple of weeks and I haven’t had one of those in years. There are so many inner conflicts spinning in my head and it feels like I won’t be able to conquer any of them.

Today started out the same…

3 to 4 hours sleep at the most. I slip out of bed and immediately feel the weight sitting on my shoulders. I muster through getting the kids out the door and sit down at my desk to start work.

And I work. I like what I do for a living. But there is a void it’s not filling.

By the time pick up comes around I’m still stressed.

I need to rush across town to get my daughter to the salon. And driving always makes me crazy, but come on it is LA. I have all my camera gear because I also need to take some headshots of my son.

At the salon, I notice to beautiful buildings I can use as backdrops. Something I never noticed before. I pull out my camera and starting shooting.

I look up and notice the clouds wrapped around the sun. They are providing me with the best diffused lighting. So I continue shooting.

I’m shooting portraits with my Tamron 90mm Macro lens since I sold my 85mm a few years back (I’m not sure why).

This is my happy place.

We only shot for 45 minutes. I wanted to get on the freeway before the real rush hour traffic began. Because I hate driving, especially in LA. But on the way home I was happy. The truck that in front of me spewing toxic fumes didn’t annoy me. The crazy drivers never surrounded me. I gleefully listened to my Spotify playlist.

Photography is one of the things that fulfill me. And I really need to get out and shoot more.

* this is the first time I finished a blog post in a single sitting in a long, long, long time.

Writing, my other happy place.